Being a Mother is not Just About Biology

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New Year's Hopes

"Hope puts one on the path towards a better tomorrow."

I opened my email this morning to find a newsletter from our church-related women's group.  I absolutely LOVE this idea and this is what my family will be doing tonight -- writing out our "HOPES" for the new year and not a list of resolutions that we'll just feel guilty never completing.

A portion of the email reads:

New Year's Hopes

Some of us have hope for a mended broken heart.
Some of us have hope for more capacity in the one we have.
Some of us have hope for the life growing inside us to be born healthy.
Some of us hope for the chance to mother in any way possible -- (ahh - hemm, this will be first on our list!)
Some of us hope for the man of our dreams to come along.
Some of us hope for the strength to support the man of our dreams.
Some of us hope for the will to finally get our bodies in shape.
Some of us hope for one more year with our bodies.
Whatever we hope FOR, those hopes are only possible because of what we hope IN.

As women of God, we hope IN
   • the power of the Savior's atonement to change our hearts
   • the sanctity of eternal families
   • the strength of our covenants
   • the reality of eternal life

So, this year, we invite you to write down your HOPES...what you hope FOR.  Then write how that hope can be a reality because of what you hope IN"

Boy, do I have some high hopes for our family in the next year!

My Favorite Word

I love the word HOPE. It feels so powerful to me. In the darkest of hours, if I can reach deep down inside of me and find hope, I can get through anything. The YEARS that we waited for a child were the darkest years. I pray those will have been the most difficult years I have to endure in this life. I cannot put into words the invisible pain I experienced that no one else could see, but yet was all I could feel day after day; longing, wanting, aching, empty. HOPE was all that pulled me through them. HOPE that tomorrow would be better. HOPE that I could get through one more hour of the day. HOPE that our children would find their way home with the help of loving birth mothers wanting to give their children everything they could.



We are holding on to HOPE again; wanting to grow our family, wanting for T-Man to have a sibling.

"Remember that while you are seeking you are also being sought… you will be found. You will be led. You will enter in. Look for that. Expect it. Expect to come to revelations of the Lord. Expect shells to break in their season. Expect boats to ride as the tide comes in. This is HOPE, to desire and to expect."~Oswald W.S. McCall

We Play with Our Food

We encourage playing with your food at our house.

T-Man's Word in Cheez-it Scrabble Crackers:
Pronounced: "wuh-ove" and yes, he spelled it and put it together himself. He's AMAZING! Other words he can spell: Mississippi, stop, bump (these construction signs are all over our town!), his first, middle, and last name, tree, water, go, on, off, yes, no, mom, dad, hat (and all words that rhyme with it). I feel we're going to be in big trouble when this little boy gets into school. He's going to be the trouble maker because he'll be so bored. Daddy is teaching him how to add and all about quantum-mechanics. Did I even spell that right? I'll have to go ask T-Man :)

Mommy's word:
Trying to stay positive as we continue to hope for a second adoption miracle! Sometimes the waiting can just eat away at you. We are so looking forward to our 10-year anniversary trip to Sundance, Utah WITH T-Man (his first airplane ride) at the end of September. Life is good! Pictures will certainly be shared early October.

Why is it that my computer will crash, but my son will not?

Christmas came early at our home of hope...

After 5 restarts, 3 shut downs, and one HUGE stomp on it (mixed in with a MAJOR crash/meltdown of my own and a partridge in a pear tree) ...


My computer has been put to rest...

It served me well...

It was a hand-me down from the hub so it served us both well..

I'm in love...

This is the new machine from whence I type...

I'm in love...

Hope Notes - My Gratitude Resolution

I have decided not to save my resolutions just for the new year. I am starting a new tradition of a "Gratitude Resolution". There is so much to be grateful for and I need to be better at recognizing that instead of complaining about the unimportant things that really don't matter. I am so excited to do THIS ! I have so many note cards floating around that this would be such a positive way to use them up (and give me a reason to go buy more - one of my many obsessions!). I plan to add gratitude reminders inside the cards, too.

May you find a hope note somewhere amongst your day or travel.

Random Thoughts for a Tuesday

flickr

• Remember that everyone you meet wears an invisible sign. It reads, "Notice me. Make me feel Important."
  

• "It's the unseen things that are the most important." ~Manilla Longan Most of our waking hours are spent dealing with the visible world. Yet, if we really stop to think about it, it's the unseen that most affects our lives - our spirituality, our dreams, our HOPES, our friendships, our loving, our meanings of life. Ultimately, these are what really count!
  

A Whack-A-Mole Sort of Life

The last couple of months have been crazy! We have felt like we are living a live version of the "Whack-A-Mole" game. One crisis pops up and we are quick to hit it and and take care of it. Then two more pop up and we get one crisis averted and fix the other and the next crisis pops up. For a while there it was pure insanity, but I feel like things are getting back under control. At a church conference a month ago, one of the speakers said, "Come what may and love it". I am better at the "come what may" part than I am the "and love it" part. He went on to say, "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." I am trying to make the most of this "waiting time" we have as we attempt to find the other child and birth parents that are meant to be a part of our family.

I don't know why, but I have had this "nesting" instinct lately. I just want to get everything in order, cleaned out, lose the clutter, keep organized, follow the budget, use things up, practice frugality and just plain regain control over MY life and OUR life. Eric has been on the same page as I have, which has been SO nice. He's got the cleaning out, organize it bug and we're almost ready for whatever may come our way -- bring it on!

Short Read, Lasting Effects

Just finished reading this - One Bright Shining Hope by Gordon B. Hinckley. It took about 25 minutes to complete, but it has left a lasting impression for days.

"Bye-Bye Combine"

Busy times . . .

*We went to a farm this weekend with friends to pick a pumpkin, take a hay ride, eat apple cider donuts (very much worth the drive just for the food) and to let T-man experience a ride on a combine. Fun times! The combine ride went around the farm fields for about 15 minutes and did that make for one happy little boy! This was the conversation for most of the 30 minute ride home -

Back seat: "Bye-Bye Combine"

Front seat: "Yes, T-Man, Bye-Bye Combine. We'll come back and see you next year"

Back seat: "Bye-Bye Combine"
Front seat: "Yes, T-Man, Bye-Bye Combine. We'll come back and see you next year"

Back seat: "Bye-Bye Combine"
Front seat: "Yes, T-Man, Bye-Bye Combine. We'll come back and see you next year"

Until this happened:

"Nite-Nite T-Man"

*Three things said at church today hit home:

• Even though we live in trying, terrible, and difficult times, there is HOPE (this, of course, caught my attention immediately). It wasn't an "all you have to do is...." list of things you should be doing but are not, but a good review of our basic Gospel principles that I certainly needed to hear. The words hit home for me. There is hope!


• "Faith without works is dead" James 2:20 -- I have been struggling lately with our "waiting" for another child to join our family (but we're not supposed to be waiting - we're supposed to be finding). I always thought I was patient until I came face to face with adoption. I have looked at every adoption-related site, blog, agency, birth parent website, and book. I have stayed up waaaaay past my bedtime on far too many nights!! We have posted our family profile on-line with Adoption.com and LDS Family Services, I am having "Pass along cards" made of our family as we speak. We contact our case worker every three to four weeks just to keep our name on the tip of his tongue at all times. I have created this blog for the sole purpose of sharing our hope to adopt. I guess hearing the scripture, "Faith without works is dead" (read more on this topic) just reinforced that we ARE doing all that we can to find the other child that is supposed to join our family. We can't give up hope; we have to have faith, stay strong, and continue to do all that we can do to make another miracle happen for us. There is another child meant to be a part of our family, but in the Lord's time, not my "but I want it now!" time.

• Be Frugal (nudge, nudge, "Did you hear that Eric?") - Just because you have the money, doesn't mean you have use the money. I am terrible at saving. I do, but not like I/WE should be saving. It was just nice to hear this topic applied to all - not just those struggling with the crazy economic times that we are living in, but all should think twice about their spending and make wise choices.
  

Hope as a Noun

I have been cleaning out some of my old lesson plan files from work. Yes, T-Man is now 2 and I am still working on this. I don't know where I found this lesson plan, but I know I wanted to use it when I taught both Child Development and Independent Living.

The Twelve Gifts of Birth: HOPE

Author: Charlene A. Costanzo

"As a noun, hope is an attitude of optimism. As a verb, hope is actively wishing for something we want or a particular outcome. Every day we all wish for things and use hope in this way. The gift of hope includes this but it is more: it is a sense of deep trust in what is and what is to come. Just like a real rainbow in the sky appearing after a rainstorm, the rainbow symbol reminds us to hope.

Good Fortune, Bad Fortune

Life is always changing. Often, situations that first seem bad turn out to be good in some way. By the same token, sometimes situations that seem positive may turn out to give us new challenges. The gift of Hope reminds us to always look for the good that can be found. All situations give us opportunities to practice and learn more about Compassion, Wisdom, Courage….all our gifts.

There is a Chinese story that goes like this…

Long ago there was a hopeful farmer who lost his favorite horse, a mare. Besides helping the farmer with his work, she was like a friend. One day she just wandered away. The old man searched for her but could not find her anywhere. His neighbors went out to look for her too. When the horse could not be found, the neighbors all tried to console the farmer. “We are sorry that this bad fortune happened to you,” they said.

The farmer said, “Thank you for helping me search for my horse and for your condolences, but we shall see what happens. Good fortune, bad fortune. Things are always changing.”

A few weeks later the horse returned. With her walked another horse, a strong stallion. “Good fortune!” said the neighbors.

In time the mare gave birth to a foal. “Good fortune!” said the neighbors.

A few months later, the man’s son broke his legs while trying to ride the untamed young horse. “Oh, bad fortune!” said the neighbors.

“We shall see,” said the hopeful farmer.

The son’s legs soon began to heal. “Good fortune,” said the neighbors. The farmer just smiled. In time the son walked again but with a slight limp.

“Oh, too bad. Bad fortune,” said the neighbors.

“We shall see,” said the farmer.

A year later a terrible war broke out. Most young men were called away. Many never returned. Because the farmer’s son walked with a limp, he was considered unsuitable as a soldier. He stayed on the farm and survived to live a long life."

I hope my "limp" will turn into good fortune for me someday!

Another New Day

Today is a good day.

There is nothing better than a shower to wash away the worries, fears and frustrations of yesterday and began the day with a clean slate. I start the day with the feeling that "Today can be a better day than yesterday; I can be/do better than yesterday."

In the Anne of Green Gables (that's Anne with an "e") book series she says, "Tomorrow is Another New Day with no mistakes in it". My mother has used this quote before and abbreviates it as A.N.D. There is such hope in looking toward tomorrow. No matter what we are facing, "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning" (Psalm 30:5)

Thanks to mom for chasing, feeding, and entertaining T-Man which gave me time today to get those little things done around the house that seem to be written in a permanent marker on my to-do list!

Henri J. M. Nouwen: All the great spiritual leaders in history were people of hope. Abraham, Moses, Ruth, Mary, Jesus, Rumi, Gandhi, and Dorothy Day all lived with a promise in their hearts that guided them toward the future without the need to know exactly what it would look like. Let's live with hope.

Allan K. Chalmers: The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

Christopher Reeve: Once you choose hope, anything's possible.

Erik H. Erikson: Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.

Molly Ivins: I still believe in Hope - mostly because there's no such place as Fingers Crossed, Arkansas.

How You Can Help...

We are grateful that you are visiting our "hoping to adopt" blog. Our intent is to give you a glimpse into our lives as a family of three that has been touched by the wonderful blessing of adoption.

Are you aware of an expectant mother who is considering an adoption plan for her child? If such an opportunity presents itself, we hope you will remember our family! We invite you to share our blog with anyone you feel may have a connection to any type of adoption situation.

We are grateful for any help you can offer us in our search for another adoption miracle!

HOPE: Walking with Two Sisters

Walking with Two Sisters
By Larry Hiller

Faith walks before me,
Holding up her lamp
As I try not to stumble in the in-dark hours before the dawn.
Her light illuminates
One step and then another.
Beside me, Hope, arm linked with mine, encourages and steadies.
Sometimes in the tedium,
Distracted by the pain,
My mind begins to wander, then my feet. I hesitate.
Unsure, I look to Hope.
Her hand takes mine.
The touch reminds me of another hand held out to me,
One pierced and scarred
Yet oh so tender
Lifting me and blessing me when I had fallen and despaired.
remembering,
I move ahead
Buoyed up by Hope, who sees the end with perfect clarity.
Ensign, June 2009 p. 9

HOPE: The Misunderstood Sister

Dear Expectant Parent(s)

Dear Expectant Parent(s),

It is with such gratitude, love, and admiration for you and what you are doing that we write this letter. Our journey to adoption has been a process of much thought, daily prayers, and at times overwhelming emotions. We hope this heartfelt letter will lead you in the right direction in your search for adoptive parents. Words alone cannot describe how grateful we are for the decision that you are making to choose life and consider adoption for your child.

We have come to understand that adoption is an incredible way to build a family. We do not feel that we are "cursed with infertility", but rather "blessed through adoption". Our long-awaited dream of becoming parents was fulfilled in 2006 when Tyler joined our family thanks to an amazing and heroic birth mother. We have come to love his birth family as our own extended family and have a very open relationship with them. This includes emails, photos, visits, and phone calls on a fairly regular basis. We are very willing and open to whatever contact and communication you would desire for you and your child. We have an abundance of love to offer to another child and to the loving birth parents that choose us to parent their child. You can be certain that your baby will always know what a wonderful and loving person you are and that your decision for adoption was a pure act of self-less love.

BOY MEETS GIRL BECAUSE OF GIRL'S FATHER

We began our relationship as friends and have maintained that special bond. We were introduced to each other by Christy’s father. Following that meeting, we spent a lot of time getting to know each other before committing to marriage. We have built a relationship on mutual respect, commitment, communication, and love. We were married in the Chicago Latter Day Saint Temple on a beautiful fall day in September of 1999 and went to Sundance, Utah for our honeymoon. While there we courageously took our first-ever hot air balloon ride and were enthralled by the beauty and serenity of the mountains, nature, and the great outdoors.

Family is most important to us, so we always try to place family first. We enjoy spending time with our extended family and all of our nieces and nephews. We feel blessed that both of our extended families live in close proximity to us. Family dinners are a favorite activity where we gather on a regular basis to catch up and enjoy one another’s company. They, too, are anticipating new additions to our growing family tree.

MEET OUR FAMILY

Eric is a kind, gentle, hard-working provider for our family. He is the CEO of his own corporation. He enjoys working with computers as his hobby, as well as working on home improvement projects. Following high school, Eric spent three years serving in the United States Navy, after which he attended the University of Illinois and studied computer science engineering. He is the youngest of three in his family, which includes a married brother and sister, as well as four nephews and a niece.

Christy is a soft-spoken, sensitive person who loves children and enjoys working with them. She is a graduate of Brigham Young University and is a former high school home economics/Family and Consumer Science teacher. Her schedule included teaching foods, child development, and running a preschool program. She now enjoys her new job title of "Stay-at-Home Mom" but she rarely stays at home! She and Tyler love to take walks, go to the parks in our neighborhood, attend classes at the library for Tyler, and shopping. She is very creative and enjoys using that talent when she is planning activities and play groups for Tyler, crafting, sewing, cooking, and teaching. Christy has two married brothers and loves entertaining their four children.

Tyler keeps both of us very active and on our toes. He is such a happy little boy with the bluest eyes and the biggest smile that will just make your insides all warm! He loves trains, trucks, and puzzles. He enjoys reading, and reading, and re-reading books especially books about trucks. He loves to listen for the "garbage can truck" and it is a big treat to run out and watch the truck in action! He knows all of his letters and the sounds they make. He loves to count and he amazes us with how quickly he learns. He has melted our hearts and has made us into big softies! The three of us are excited to add another bundle of joy and happiness to our home and we are confident that Tyler will be a wonder big brother. Family "Group Hugs and kisses" before bed and prayers each night are our favorite time of the day.

A LITTLE MORE ABOUT US

As a couple, we enjoy spending time reading, taking walks, watching movies, dining out, and just plain being together. We are truly best friends and we want to be positive examples and role models to Tyler and any future children. We believe that we have much to give as a couple. We have learned, even further, the importance of communication as we parent Tyler together. Tyler has taught us so much and has brought us even closer together as a couple and as a family. We are so excited to continue to grow our eternal family.

Involvement in church activities keeps us busy. Our home is located only fifteen minutes from our local church building. Our religious beliefs and it's teachings are extremely important to us and it is the foundation on which we have centered our lives, our marriage, and our parenting style.

HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS

We are very fortunate to have a beautiful home in the suburbs of Chicago. We live in a very child-friendly neighborhood with homes that are filled with children. There is an elementary school, three playgrounds, and a pond within walking distance from our home. We are within driving distance of Chicago, giving us easy access to all of its educational and entertainment opportunities. We have a beautiful three bedroom home, which includes a family room with a fireplace and a finished basement. The backyard is a large, fenced-in area which includes a deck that we love to use for cookouts with friends and family. It is a perfect area for children to play in. It is our belief that the home should be a place of joy, safety, and refuge from the busy world that we live in and we strive to fill ours with peace, love, and warmth.

CONSIDER US TO PARENT YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD

Love, education, more love, and happy memories are the gifts we want to give to our children. We have learned that love is not dictated by biology. We feel very strongly that every child should be part of a loving family with caring parents; whether or not they are biologically their own. As parents, we want to teach our children values, correct principles, trust and unconditional love.

One portion of our family mission statement reads, "Attitude is everything. Eleanor Roosevelt said, 'Circumstances may color my life, but I get to choose the color.' Life is meant to be lived, loved and enjoyed, not just endured. Smiles, humor, hope, and happiness are required!" It is our intent to make sure that our family is cared for in every way possible. Thank you for considering us for the precious gift and responsibility of parenting your child.

With Love,

Eric and Christy

“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”
~Henry Drummond~